


a gap where we meet.

by commonemergency



Series: ficmas 2017. [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: AmazingSkies - Freeform, M/M, dan and phil are fine, one-sided, thinking of the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-10 18:36:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12917823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commonemergency/pseuds/commonemergency
Summary: Charlie and Phil were a series of almosts in a lot of ways.prompt: amazingskies, phil is unpacking some boxes after the move and he found something charlie sent or gave him some years ago





	a gap where we meet.

Phil has one box that holds very specific memories from the important people in his life. He’s had it since he went off to university, to his first apartment, and now to the new flat with Dan. Every time he moves it goes with him like his shadow, in a way. A reminder of what he used to be, with people that he used to know. It’s very rare when he does open the box but he’s sitting on the ground in the room that he’s going to use to film in, it’s very barren but he’ll do his best to turn into something that people recognize. 

He can hear Dan in another room unboxing more things and crying jokingly about how tired he is of seeing boxes upon boxes. “Phil, I am so overwhelmed with all these goddam boxes.” 

“Just think of the sweet reward of pizza later!” Phil calls back, opening the lid of the box. 

He can hear the bluetooth, it’s some soundtrack that Phil was listening to but can’t quite remember the name of now. He’s not even really paying attention as he sifts through the papers that he’s accumulated over the years. Because there are boxes that are from viewers, people baring their souls that he’ll get lost reading sometimes but never from people that he’s been closed to does he read again because it’s too much sometimes. It hurts. The kind of hurt that comes from missing an old friend. 

“Can you hear it?” Dan says, adjusting the volume. 

“Yeah, it’s fine! I’ll help you in a second!” 

One note sticks out in particular. It’s written on yellow lined paper, there’s doodles all over it, trees and black swirls, a doodle of a wolf, and then a pair of vampire fangs and blood dripping from it. Phil bites the inside of his cheek as he flips it over to see just a simple message written on it:

_I hate Phil._

_love,_

_Charlie._

They apparently tried to play tic tac toe and given the colour of the pen Charlie had won. 

It hurts in a way that Phil is still learning to understand. He’s always tried to keep the friends that he had made but there were a few that had gotten lost along the way because of things that maybe were out of his control, because he was scared, because he loved Dan. There were restless nights when he’d be faced towards the window and see the moon and wonder if Charlie was okay, and if he was having a sleepless night too. It’s not the same kind of pain as losing a lover, but losing someone that had once meant so much to you and it maybe could have been something but was nothing now. 

Charlie and Phil were a series of almosts in a lot of ways, and Phil knows that at some point he might have hurt Charlie, not on purpose, but it happened and there’s not much that he could do about that now, but Charlie had hurt Phil, too. 

There’s a heaviness in Phil’s chest looking at the note and not being able to remember when it happened. He takes a deep breath now, getting up from the floor and looking for a pen, he has to have one somewhere. 

On the back of the note he writes ‘ _Sorry_ ’. Maybe to his younger self, to a younger Charlie, to a past that he can never go back to but can look at fondly from afar. He folds it as delicately as he can and places it back in the box where it came and where it’ll stay until they eventually move again.

When Phil thought about it, he had believed that once upon a time that they’d be friends forever because they’d make promises about it, and it seemed so easy to keep at the time, because it always is when you’re in the moment. Charlie was a puzzle piece but he wasn’t the one to finish it, which was both a sombering and bittersweet thought. That Phil wasn’t the same Phil that he was now, he was grown and had things that he was proud of and a person who was proud of him, and he knew that some things had gotten lost along the way but he was learning to be okay with it. 

Phil places the box somewhere out of sight but where he can remember it and gets up from the floor to help Dan who sounds like he’s knee deep in the boxes of crap that they couldn’t seem to let go of because they were pack rats. 

“I’m here.” Phil says, wrapping his arms around Dan from behind, giving him a gentle squeeze. “Put me to work. What do you want me to do?” 

“ _Me_ ,” Dan jokes, squeezing his arm, and they both snort at each other. “No, um, I just want to be able to walk in our room. The faster we put things away the better.” 

So, they get to work, as a team. Phil is glad that of all the things that were left behind, Dan wasn’t one of them. 

Although he's beginning to think that with most things that do end up getting left behind, you never really forget them.

**Author's Note:**

> comments/kudos appreciated!
> 
> talk to me on tumblr/twitter: **@nihilismdan**


End file.
